I bought a house, so why do I feel…wait, what am I feeling?

December 30th I settled on my first home after a 6-month short sale fiasco. The day before I felt “over it,” I think is what I said. The process and 10 days prior to settlement were exhausting, trying to get last minute things-you-need-to-do-before-settlement resolved. No one taught me about any of this in my 20 years of schooling. Despite my prior apathy, when I finished signing my life away at settlement, I felt instantly relieved and excited at this accomplishment. 

My family and friends helped set up my kitchen and bedroom and painted a couple rooms just before New Years. Lying awake in my new bed because I can’t sleep, I start to think that this house is too big for just me. Getting roommates sounds ideal. It’s certainly cost-effective, but maybe I shouldn’t have roommates right away. Or should I? Rational thinking and Feelings can battle it out for the moment.

Rational thinking (RT): No roommates. After all, this is my first time moving away from home. 

Feelings: But having people in my home will feel better; I wouldn’t worry about feeling lonely or homesick.

RT: Be an adult. Work through the loneliness/homesickness. 

Feelings: But maybe roommates will help me adjust faster.

RT: Buy a couch, and deal with it. 

As everyone was getting ready to leave my house, I suddenly felt needy and clingy. Two things I try to avoid doing. For a brief moment, I needed to maintain physical contact with someone close. 

I am happy about the decision; I am grateful for this huge blessing and plan to share it. The impending loneliness and feeling of being homesick will dissipate over time. My parents’ house will always be home because of my family. What may be most anxiety inducing is starting a new chapter in my life that doesn’t directly involve my family day to day. That things will be inevitably different, and that it may be the most difficult but happiest chapter yet. 

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